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Lila

 "Apa lagi yang kau tengah cari Lila?” “Aku… aku tak tahu.” “Kalau kau tak tahu apa yang kau cari, macam mana nak jumpa?”  Sunyi. Kabur pandangan mata Lila apa bila mendengar persoalan dari Azwa.  “Aku ingat, bila aku melukis aku rasa happy. Rasa terisi, tapi– apa aku buat, semua yang aku dapat, aku tak pernah—“ Esak tangisan sendiri memotong percakapan Lila. Baru tersedar selama ini apa yang hilang.  Lila tak pernah rasa gembira. Setiap kali dia dapat result cemerlang, setiap kali dia dapat anugerah, setiap kali manusia semua puji Lila. Lila cuma rasa biasa. Dia anggap pencapaian itu biasa sebab lepas apa yang dia usahakan, lepas apa yang dia korbankan, mestilah dia akan dapat.  Lila masih rasa sunyi meskipun dia disorak dan diberikan tepukkan gemuruh atas pencapaian dan anugerah. Lila masih rasa tidak cukup biarpun ideanya dibeli dengan harga ratusan ribu. Lila masih rasa kosong walaupun orang menganggap dia sudah memiliki terlalu banyak untuk seorang gadis se...
"Itulah, dulu Zafrul mahu dekat kamu. Kamu tak hendak. Kamu cakap nak sambung Master. Dah habis Master kamu tolak degan alasan tak sekufu. Sombong. Sekarang Zafrul dah beranak tiga. Padahal Zafrul dulu bukan tak bagus, kamu berkawan dengan dia pun lama." Terdiam seketika isi dapur mendengar sindiran Mak Long.  "Sudahlah Long, cerita dah lama. Anak saudara kita tu wanita hebat. Apa orang cakap? Inpedenden? Alah, wanita berdikari. Semua dia dah ada. Takkan dia nak cari yang biasa-biasa jadi suami dia. Tahulah dia nak urus hal jodoh dia. " balas Mak Lang cuba meredakan keadaan. Risau jika anak saudara perempuannya itu terasa hati. "Kalau tak nak yang biasa-biasa? Sampai bila nak membujang? Patutnya bersyukurlah kalau jumpa lelaki yang cukup solat, rajin ke masjid, rajin cari duit. Kalau kasar sikit-sikit, malas sikit-sikit itu biasalah. Dah nama pun lelaki. Lama-lama berubah juga kalau kita pandai pujuk." bidas Mak Long tidak puas hati. Jarang orang di rumah ...

Home (Part 2-End)

     From then on, we outwardly love each other. He was mine and I was his. We graduated high school and I became the valedictorian. We discussed our future a lot. Me choosing between a lawyer or a journalist. He was deciding between football and science. We went on dates and ticked off the bucket list that we made together before we went to university. It was a mutual agreement that we do not talk about university. He was adamant that we should choose the same university to avoid being too far from each other. I, on the other hand, had a different idea.   I told him life has more to offer, we should not be in each other way to explore what it has to offer. We should not restrict each other. We fought over it, him claiming that I did not love him enough to stay with him. That got me so angry that I decided to ignore him for a whole week. In the end of it, I managed to get him to understand that I wanted him to have more. Explore all of our options, putting ourselves ...

Home (Part 1)

Home. Often people think home is where you sleep, eat, and rest. For me, home is where I can be free. It is where I feel safe, and protected. A place where I can say what’s in my mind freely, where I am not afraid to be me. Home is a haven and I found my home in a person. A found my home in a boy name Emmet.    The first time that I met Emmet was when we were 6. I just moved to the neighbourhood after losing my mother to cancer. My father thought that it would be good for us two to have a change. I do not agree with him, of course. Moving away would mean that we would be leaving a place with memories that we have had with mother. It would mean leaving mother. Alas, I was a reserved child so I did not protest when my father told me that we would be moving from a place full of mother to the golden state of California. I was under the oak tree between our houses, pouring my frustrations towards the grass by picking them harshly. I remember how I despised everything there. It wa...